


Nothing From Nowhere

by Lamia of the Dark (VisceraNight)



Series: Lethe: Sealed Memory Saga [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Implied/Referenced Sex, Memory Loss, Memory Magic, Mild Sexual Content, Romance, Sirius Lives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-02
Updated: 2015-01-02
Packaged: 2018-03-04 22:46:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 8,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3095048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VisceraNight/pseuds/Lamia%20of%20the%20Dark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Voldemort erases Bellatrix's memories of any love she ever felt for him. He comes to regret his decision but the memory charm is too strong for him to reverse. Can he force her to fall in love with him again or is she lost to him forever?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. You Won't Find Anything Worthy of Redeeming

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally written in 2008.
> 
> Chapter length varies wildly but many are ridiculously short. It has been edited for typos, but not style.

~ Nothing From Nowhere ~

\- Chapter 1: You Won't Find Anything Worthy of Redeeming -

"I'm sorry, my lord!" Bellatrix cried. "I'm sorry!" And she collapsed at Voldemort's feet, sobbing.

"What are you apologizing for?" he asked, bewildered by her behavior. She hadn't done anything. She hadn't even been free long enough to have a chance to do anything.

"I'm sorry," she choked out between sobs. "I'm sorry." She kept repeating it over and over. But she never said what she was sorry  _for_.

Impatient and irritated, he looked into her mind for the answer.

He was not entirely surprised by what he found. In fact, he'd suspected it for a long time. It was actually kind of obvious...

But he'd never expected her to come to him and apologize for it.

And mixed among her thoughts:  _I can't stand this. I don't want it. Take it away._

Well, if that was what she wanted, then he would be glad to be rid of it as well. He knelt next to her and placed his wand against her temple.

And with a single word, " _Obliviate_ ", he erased all her memories of any love she had ever felt for him.

~to be continued~


	2. I'm No One At All

~ Nothing From Nowhere ~

\- Chapter 2: I'm No One At All -

Bellatrix was rendered unconscious by the force of the spell.

Voldemort watched as she slowly woke. He watched as she sat up and rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand. He watched as her expression changed when she discovered her cheeks were wet. He watched as she pulled her hand away from her face and looked at it, as if she were trying to discern whether the moisture she'd wiped from her face was actually tears. He watched as her gaze drifted to her wrist. He watched as she stared at the Mark on her arm as though she couldn't remember how it had gotten there.

And, like a lightning bolt, he realized she  _didn't_  remember it. He'd taken that away from her.

She glanced up and caught sight of herself in the mirror, and her confusion only deepened.

And in that moment they both realized that something was very wrong.

Then she turned and looked at him and he saw something in her expression that he had never seen there before. She was afraid. She had never looked at him with fear in her eyes,  _never_. But something was different now.

_She doesn't love me anymore. She doesn't remember that she ever did._

"What is the last thing that you remember?" he asked quietly.

Bellatrix tried to remember what she was doing in this room, how she'd gotten here, why she was here... and came up blank. She tried to remember  _anything_  that had happened recently. She only got brief flashes, fragments, bits and pieces that didn't make any sense on their own.

She started over again in the other direction, from the beginning of her life. Her memories of early childhood were fuzzy, but not unreasonably so. She remembered growing up with her sisters, the lessons she'd learned from her parents, going to school. But when she reached her sixth and seventh years at Hogwarts, the memories became patchy and disjointed. And after the memory of her wedding, there was nothing left but scatterings of tiny shards that seemed to be ripped from whole memories she could no longer recall.

Voldemort watched her expressions change as she slowly worked the answer out for herself. She did not look him in the eye as she repeated her findings.

"You've lost quite a bit," he informed her, his voice deceptively calm.

He could hardly believe it. In erasing the "love" that he despised, he'd completely removed all traces of  _himself_ from her memory.

~to be continued~


	3. Break Down and Cease All Feeling

~ Nothing From Nowhere ~

\- Chapter 3: Break Down and Cease All Feeling -

He could not reverse the memory charm. It was too powerful and too new. There was nothing he could do but wait and give the spell time to weaken on its own.

The other Death Eaters immediately realized that something was wrong with Bellatrix, but they had no clue that it was their lord's fault and not an effect of her time in Azkaban. For the most part, they reacted to her the same way they always had: by avoiding her. Only now that she wasn't as insanely ...um, insane... as before, some of them were even nice to her. (Which they wouldn't have dared to be when she was the scary Bellatrix who would curse your face off at the drop of a hat.)

Rodolphus quickly tired of her behavior and passed her off to Lucius. Lucius agreed to take care of her not because she was family but because she seemed so pathetically... pathetic. It was almost painful to watch this woman, once hailed as the Dark Lord's most loyal Death Eater, now acting like a scared child.

Voldemort did not like this new Bella. She did not pay rapt attention when he was speaking. She was startled whenever she heard him call her name. She seemed uneasy at having the Dark Lord address her by the pet name that only her family used. She did not meet his eyes when he spoke to her directly.

He did not like the way she clung to her brother-in-law. He wanted his strong, sadistic, self-sufficient Bella back.

If he could not undo the memory charm, then he would just have to make her fall in love with him again. This thought occurred to him just as the night's strategy meeting was ending.

As the Death Eaters started to file out of the room, Voldemort called out, "Bella."

Her head snapped up sharply at the sound of her name. "Yes, Master?" she answered cautiously.

"Tonight you will meet me in my room..."

~to be continued~


	4. This You Can Keep

~ Nothing From Nowhere ~

\- Chapter 4: This You Can Keep -

When Bellatrix arrived at Voldemort's room, the Dark Lord was not there. She could just leave... but that wouldn't be a good idea. She would have to wait for him to see what it was he wanted.

She was distracted from her worries by her image in the mirror.

She was still having trouble coming to terms with the fact that she'd lost more than half her life's worth of memories. She barely recognized the face that looked back at her from the mirror. The sunken eyes, the hollow cheeks, the wild tangles of hair that no mere brush or comb could tame. She used to be so beautiful...

And she wondered again why she was a member of the Death Eaters instead of at home raising pretty pureblood children. (Lucius never gave her a straight answer when she put the question to him.)

She didn't notice that Voldemort had come into the room until he was right behind her. She caught a flicker of movement in the reflection from the mirror.

"My lord!" she gasped, and started to turn to face him.

His hands on her shoulders stopped her movement. He noticed the way she flinched at his touch despite the fact that he was taking great care to be gentle. He hated this. The old Bella would have... well,  _loved_  to have him this near to her. She would have melted into even this simple touch. Knowing her, there's a good chance she would have pushed her luck and tried for something more, an embrace or perhaps even a kiss...

Oh, but this shy young thing remembered nothing of him, or her former love for him. Which is why he now he now found himself chasing after  _her_.

He lifted one hand and brushed her hair away from her neck. He slipped something from his pocket and fastened it around her neck.

"My lord, are you...  _giving_  this to me...?" she asked in a disbelieving tone. She briefly touched the pendant that now hung at her throat.

Dangling from a fine chain of tiny silver links was a very detailed crystalline globe of the earth the size of a marble, held in the coils of a sliver snake.

"Yes, it is for you," Voldemort answered. Laying one hand one her shoulder, hating the way she flinched from his touch, he fingered the pendant's charm lightly with his other hand as he explained, "It is a representation from Norse mythology of the giant serpent that holds all of Midgard in his coils."

"Midgard?"

"The ancient Norse term for the mortal world. This piece-" He indicated the pendant. "-incidently is also called The World."

~to be continued~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, there you have it. He's just given her The World. And how will she react...?


	5. Asphyxiate on Words I Would Say

~ Nothing from Nowhere ~

\- Chapter 5: Asphyxiate on Words I Would Say -

It was several days later when they ran into each other, literally. The collision was as much his fault as hers, seeing as how neither of them had been paying much attention to where they were walking.

But she was the one who apologized, although not as profusely as he would normally have expected from her.

He'd learned not to expect too much from her. He couldn't stop comparing this memory-less version of Bella to the one he remembered. He'd never realized exactly how well he knew her, but he'd quickly found that he could easily imagine what her normal response should have been in just about any situation that came up... and it was always different from how she reacted  _now_. This would be so much simpler if he could just undo that stubborn memory charm!

One of the few things that  _hadn't_  changed with her massive memory loss was her fashion sense, he noticed as his eyes swept over the low neckline of her dress... and then he noticed something else that was missing.

"Where is the pendant I gave you?" he asked sharply.

"It's... in my jewelry box," Bellatrix answered hesitantly. She hastened to explain, "I didn't want anything to happen to it. I didn't want it to get lost, or broken..."

She wasn't lying, but the reason she didn't want it to get lost or broken was because she didn't want to face his wrath if anything should happen to it, not because it was a treasured gift from her beloved Dark Lord...

The old Bella would have worn it proudly, only keeping it somewhere safe when she was off on a dangerous mission.

His plan wasn't working. The memory charm hadn't weakened a single bit during these past few days, nor had Bellatrix come any closer to re-falling in love with him. (He was being far too aggressive in his pursuit, which only served to scare and confuse her, but he didn't seem to realize that.)

"Wear it from now on," he ordered. And, with that, he turned away irritably and continued on his way to wherever it had been he was going when he'd run into her.

He'd be  _damned_  if he couldn't make that woman fall in love with him again! If only he could figure out how it had happened the  _first_  time...

~to be continued~


	6. You Will Find Me, Won't Recognize Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've skipped ahead a bit in time here.

~ Nothing From Nowhere ~

\- Chapter 6: You Will Find Me, Won't Recognize Me -

The battle at the Ministry of Magic was complete chaos.

They were in the Death Room.

Harry was desperately trying to protect Neville  _and_  the prophecy. He'd been cornered by Lucius Malfoy, and had dropped his wand, but Lucius wasn't trying attack him, just trying to get him to hand over the prophecy...

In the rest of the room apart from that one quiet corner, spells and random objects were flying everywhere. Harry's friends were putting up a fight, but they were well on their way toward losing miserably.

"Tell them to stop," Harry said, in desperation. "Tell them to stop, and you can have it."

Lucius didn't know if he could actually get the other Death Eaters to listen to him. Most of them hadn't killed something in so long, they were half-crazed with bloodlust right now.

And it was at that moment that the Order of the Phoenix showed up, plunging the room into an even deeper and more terrifying state of chaos.

A sound like shattering glass rang out suddenly, and everyone froze. Thinking, perhaps, that the prophecy had just been broken. But it had not.

Lucius used the opportunity to snatch the dusty glass orb from Harry's nerveless grasp, and disapparated, leaving the rest to their fates.

Some of the other Death Eaters escaped, some were caught by the Order.

And one...

Just one...

A ragged figure lay crumpled by the based of the stone dais. No one else seemed to have noticed... Harry crept forward and knelt next to the prone figure, expecting to find a corpse. Whoever it was, they had ceratinly lost a lot of blood.

"Harry!"

Sirius and Neville had come up behind him.

"She's still alive," Harry said, indicating the fallen Death Eater.

"Let's kill her," Neville answered, sounding uncharacteristically murderous.

"We can't just  _kill_ her!"

"I'm all for killing her," Sirius said. "Seeing who it is, and all."

Suddenly another voice broke into their conversation. "We have to leave. The Aurors will be here soon."

They turned to find Dumbledore standing over them.

Bellatrix, on the ground between them, stirred slightly and - still unconscious - moaned in pain.

"What are we going to do about her?" Harry asked, looking to Dumbledore for guidance.

"Why, Harry?" Dumbledore asked in surprise. "What would you like to do about her?"

"We can't... just leave her..." Harry said quietly. "She could bleed to death before the Aurors get here..."

She looked so pathetic lying broken on the ground that despite what she was, all Harry could feel for this woman was pity.

"Very well, then. I shall take her with me and see that she is healed, at least."

And Dumbledore knelt and lifted Bellatrix into his arms.

"But, sir, where are you going to...?"

"It is safer if you did not know that, Harry."

And he disapparated.

~to be continued~


	7. So Spoke Misery

~ Nothing From Nowhere ~

\- Chapter 7: So Spoke Misery -

Bellatrix was no longer in immediate danger of death.

Once the blood was wiped away, it had been revealed that she suffered only a singular injury. She'd been hit by a stray  _Sectumsempra_. The wound was closed now, leaving only a fresh pink scar that ran from her right cheek down her neck and ended just above her breast.

She was now sleeping peacefully in a bedroom that had been specially prepared for her. By Kreacher. The demented house elf was delighted to have her staying here. Other inhabitants of 12 Grimmauld Place were not...

"Did you  _have_  to bring her to my house?" Sirius asked, sounding rather annoyed.

"Yes," Dumbledore replied tersely. "In case you've forgotten, she and I - and you as well - are wanted persons. Order Headquarters is the safest place for any of us to be right now."

"I still think we should have just killed her," Sirius muttered.

"Ah, yes, I know your feelings on the matter quite well. You have stated them several times. However, your godson saw fit that she should be given another chance to live." And that settled that. Sirius wasn't going to argue about Harry's decision. "Now, go wake her up and have Kreacher give her the blood replenishing potion. I doubt she trusts you enough to take it from you..." And he pushed the bottle into Sirius's hands and gave him a light shove toward the staircase.

Sirius went upstairs to the room where his cousin slept.

"Wake up," he called out loudly - for good measure - as he cast an awakening spell.

Bellatrix opened her eyes and turned her head to look at him.

Sirius tipped the contents of the bottle out into a goblet, which he then held out for her to take. "Drink this. It's a blood replenishing potion," he said.

But she made no move to take the goblet from him.

"I was awake," she said, shooting an accusatory glare in her cousin's direction.

"What, just now?" Sirius asked, nonplussed.

"No," she snapped. "When you said you wanted to kill me. You and that boy..."

"Oh? You didn't know?" Sirius asked in surprise. "That was Neville Longbottom."

The name sounded vaguely familiar to Bellatrix but she couldn't quite place it. At her look of confusion, Sirius raised his eyebrows and said, "Neville Longbottom. You tortured his parents into insanity. Sound familiar?"

"I... don't remember doing that."

"... you're kidding, right?"

But he could see that she wasn't playing with him or trying to be sarcastic. She just looked confused.

"No," she answered quietly. "Honestly, after I got out of Azkaban I couldn't remember much of anything at all..."

~to be continued~


	8. Your Designer Drug Won't Work For Me

~ Nothing From Nowhere ~

\- Chapter 8: Your Designer Drug Won't Work For Me -

"Just take the damn potion."

Sirius left the goblet on the bedside table and went to speak with Dumbledore about what he'd just found out. Once he'd left the room, she took the potion and fell again into a restless sleep.

Dumbledore was surprised to learn of Bellatrix's supposed memory loss.

"And you don't think she's lying?" he asked, looking curiously at Sirius.

"That's not what I said," Sirius replied archly. "I said that it didn't sound like she was lying. That doesn't mean she  _wasn't_."

They continued to discuss the matter and eventually came up with a plan.

It was a few hours later when Dumbledore went up to Bellatrix's room. He woke her up a bit more gently than Sirius had done earlier.

"This should be the last dose you'll need," he said kindly, handing her a goblet half-full of blood-replenishing potion.

She took it from him without arguing and drank the potion, then made a face.

"It tastes disgusting..."

"Medicine usually does," Dumbledore replied cheerfully. He offered her a glass of water, which she accepted gratefully. She didn't seem suspicious as to the glass's contents at all. Which was good. Though not necessarily for  _her_... "Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to ask you a few questions."

She sighed. "You want to know what we were up to at the Ministry, I assume?"

"I have a fairly good idea of what you were up to at the Ministry," Dumbledore replied calmly, "but I would like to hear it from  _you_." He'd planned to start with easier questions, but this one would do for starters beacuse he already knew the answer.

"We were ordered to retrieve a certain prophecy," she explained simply.

"Yes, I thought as much," Dumbledore said. He paused before tentatively coming out with: "Sirius tells me you seem to have lost some memories."

Bellatrix hesitated before answering. "... I can't remember pretty much anything that happened between my wedding day and the day of the prisonbreak."

Dumbledore was shocked by the scope of her memory loss. It was a truly massive amount to be missing, more than half her life's worth of memories.

"Do you know  _why_  you were in prison?" he asked, out of curiousity more than anything.

"For being a Death Eater?" she guessed. "For torturing the Longbottoms into insanity?"

Dumbledore frowned. "I though you said you couldn't remember...?"

"I can't. Sirius told me about it earlier. Why are you asking me all this..." Her voice trailed off as her gaze slid to the empty glass on her nightstand. "You slipped me a truth potion?!" She sounded horrified.

"Please try not to get upset," Dumbledore said quietly. "I'm sure you can understand why we might not trust you to speak the truth."

She understood that very well, actually.

"Alright, I get it," she admitted grudgingly.

"Incidentally," Dumbledore began, "I thought something was strange about your sudden massive memory loss. And so, just now while we were talking, I took the trouble to check you over for the effects of any recent spells and it appears that you are under the influence of a very powerful memory charm..."

~to be continued~


	9. Recognize One Silent Call

~ Nothing From Nowhere ~

\- Chapter 9: Recognize One Silent Call -

As Bellatrix slept again (a restless medicated sleep), Dumbledore shared his findings with Sirius.

"Do you think..." Sirius trailed off, unsure whether to voice his thoughts.

"Do I think, what?" Dumbledore prompted him.

"Well, do you think that, maybe, they left her behind on purpose?"

"That is certainly NOT the case," a new voice broke into the conversation. "Seeing as he's absolutely furious over her diappearance. You  _are_  talking about Bellatrix Lestrange, I assume?"

"Severus, I didn't hear you come in," Dumbledore greeted him pleasantly.

"What are you doing here, Snape?" Sirius asked rudely.

Dumbledore ignored him and answered Snape's question. "Yes, that is who we were talking about. But surely you didn't come here to talk about that?"

"Actually," Snape replied sourly, "I did." He paused. "I was hoping Sirius had some way to contact you, to relay a message... I suppose I should have realized you'd  _be_  here." He flinched suddenly and clutched at his left forearm with his right hand.

An ear-splitting shriek sounded from upstairs.

"I wish he'd quit doing that," Snape said, rubbing his Mark and scowling. "It's really rather painful. Anyway, the message." He was suddenly all-business again. "Potter came to me this evening to report that he'd had another vision, one of the Dark Lord's anger." Dumbledore started to say something, but Snape answered the question before he'd even asked it. "He managed to block it out - by concentrating very hard on happy memories and shutting out all other thoughts, like when he casts his Patronus - he told me. But before he shut the connection down, he saw something he thought you might find useful or at the very least, relevant. As I said before, the Dark Lord was furious."

"Because they didn't get the propchecy," Sirius interjected.

"No," Snape replied. "They  _did_  get the prophecy. His fury is beacuse of  _her_. Not that she was left behind at the Ministry, but because she was taken in the first place. I believe his exact wording was 'Why did you even take her with you when you know she is worse than useless in that condition?'."

"So, what does that tell us?" Dumbledore asked placidly.

"Well, for one thing, he wants her back," Snape answered, flinching as the Mark burned strongly once more. "And he seems to be trying very hard to contact her."

And in the bedroom upstairs, blood seeped into the sheets as Bellatrix clawed at her burning flesh...

~to be continued~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I realize now that Voldemort can probably summon a specific person without having EVERY Dark Mark go off at the same time, but I didn't think of that at the time this was written, and it would ruin the flow of the conversation in this chapter if I were to fix it now, so it's staying as-is.
> 
> And, yes, Harry (while offscreen) conveniently half-assed his way to being proficient at Occlumency, which will be important to the story later.


	10. And Now It Is Silver and Silent

~ Nothing From Nowhere ~

\- Chapter 10: And Now It Is Silver and Silent -

The Dark Lord was in a foul mood. Rodolphus approached Voldemort warily.

"My lord, I found this..."

Voldemort held out his hand in the universal gesture for give-it-here. Rodolphus handed over the item.

Voldemort took one look at the object in his hand and ordered, "Get out." He wanted to be alone right now.

For in the Dark Lord's cupped palm, there lay The World. What was left of it, anyway. The silver serpent's coils were now empty, the chain severed and flecked with blood.

As soon as he saw the broken pendant, he knew. The success of the mission had been due to her, and her alone. Without her, his forces would not have emerged victorious.

In the chaos of the battle, she'd been hit by a stray curse ( _Sectumsempra_ , if he wasn't mistaken) that had severed the pendant's chain (and caused damage to the wearer, but he wasn't sure how severe a degree of damage she had taken).

The World had fallen and shattered on the ground. The battle stopped momentarily as the sound of the crystal breaking filled the room. Most people assumed the prophecy had been smashed. Lucius had taken the opportunity to seize the prophecy and flee.

And Bellatrix...

She was not among those that returned, nor those that had been taken to Azkaban.

Some suspected that she had died of her wounds, but he could tell that she was alive.

The only logical conclusion was that she was either lying somewhere too injured to move, or that she was now in the clutches of the Order of the Phoenix.

... or both.

~to be continued~


	11. But I Left Here in Darkness

~ Nothing From Nowhere ~

\- Chapter 11: But I Left Here In Darkness -

As the weeks passed, his anger faded. Yes, he was still angry with  _them_  but he was angriest with  _himself_  because what he had done to her was by far the worse thing.

As the weeks passed, her scar faded until it was only a white line against her pale skin. Her memories did not come back to her. But there was something... she had a feeling that she was missing some essential part of the equation and if she could just figure out  _why_  everything had been erased...

And sometime during those the weeks, someone in the Ministry of Magic had realized that among the captured Death Eaters was a man named Peter Pettigrew. A man who obviously had not been murdered by Sirius Black. A man whose wand proved that HE had been the one who cast the curse that killed all those muggles, not Sirius Black. And so, despite the fact that Sirius Black's escape from prison was technically a crime in and of itself, the ministry was forced to issue a full pardon. They didn't want to lose face in the public eye by not doing the right thing, after all.

With Sirius's name cleared, it was dangerous for them to keep her here. And Dumbledore was still a wanted man, as well. Something would have to be done.

And so, through Snape, Dumbledore and Voldemort began to communicate, to negotiate, until finally they came to an uneasy agreement. Neither side was particularly happy with the terms, but time was short and they had nothing left to bargain with.

Which is why the three of them were now standing at the outskirts of a certain dark forest in the middle of the night, waiting for Lord Voldemort to arrive.

~to be continued~


	12. Just Stumble and Fall

~ Nothing From Nowhere ~

\- Chapter 12: Just Stumble and Fall -

Voldemort caught sight of the three figures as he stepped out of the trees. There was Dumbledore, unmistakeable even in the dark. He couldn't make out any identifying features of the other two, but assumed that one of them must be Bellatrix.

Because if one of them wasn't...

If she wasn't here and this was a trap...

No. He wasn't going to think that way. This was only the first step. This was going to be simple. Because even once he got her back, he still wouldn't REALLY have her back...

They didn't seem to have noticed him yet. He moved closer.

He could see now, standing beside Dumbledore was Sirius Black. Black had a restraining hold on the third person, whose face he could not see because she was wearing a hooded cloak. (And he was not enough of a pervert to admit that he recognized her just from seeing her partially-exposed cleavage, although he actually could pretty much tell just from that.)

Once he was sure that Dumbledore had spotted him, the Dark Lord called out, "Show her to me."

Before the others could react, Bellatrix shook her head and her hood fell back...

And he saw her face for the first time since before the ministry raid. Highlighted by the night's crescent moon, he saw her scar.

" _Bella!_ " he shouted. And there was something in his voice...

She didn't know what it was, but when she heard him call her name she felt a sudden intense longing in the pit of her stomach.

"My lord!" The plaintive cry ripped from her throat unbidden. She broke free of her cousin's hold and ran toward him.

Sirius caught hold of her cloak but she simply shrugged off the offending garment.

She'd almost reached him, she was only four steps away from her lord when she tripped and fell forward-

But she never hit the ground, because suddenly he was there, catching her, scooping her into his arms, holding her tightly against his chest.

Something... Something felt wrong about this. Something felt right. She didn't remember her memories but some of the emotion had come back to her, the one she no longer knew she had wanted to erase...

And as he carried her through the dark forest, she could not stop the tears that had begun to fall.

~to be continued~


	13. This Place Where I Belong With All Erased

~ Nothing From Nowhere ~

\- Chapter 13: This Place Where I Belong With All Erased -

She was crying and he didn't know why.

She had come back to him. When she heard him call her name, she'd broken free of her captor's hold and ran. She'd come back to him of her own free will. She obviously felt something for him, but was it her old feelings resurfacing or was this new...?

Maybe she'd... but, no. He shouldn't get his hopes up.

"Have you remembered anything?" he asked quietly.

"No."

So, she  _hadn't_ , after all. Her memories were still tightly suppressed. Her old feelings weren't resurfacing. She'd started to fall for him again.

He didn't understand. It had happened while they were  _apart_. He wondered if this was how love normally worked. If so, it was very odd. Well, he'd have time to figure everything out later. For now he'd have to be happy with the fact that she was here in his arms.

She was just as confused about her feelings as he was.

When he'd come to save her, when he'd called her name, she realized she felt  _something_  for him. An attraction, an affection.

From what she could piece together from her recent memories, there must have been something between them in the past that she could not remember. But she didn't know what it was, couldn't even begin to guess. Didn't want to guess. Was already fighting off thoughts of the obvious conclusion.

She definitely felt something, some kind of excitement at being carried in his arms like this, at being pressed so close to him.

But she couldn't let herself be swept away by the way he played White Knight to her damsel-in-distress. She couldn't have feelings for him. She just couldn't. Because that would be a very bad thing, especially if she was right about what their relationship had been before.

~to be continued~


	14. Am I Your Anything?

~ Nothing From Nowhere ~

\- Chapter 14: Am I Your Anything? -

"I'm going to give you back your memories."

They were alone in his bedroom. No one had seen them arrive. No one even knew he'd left. And it  _was_  the midddle of the night, after all.

"Wait," she said. "There's something I want to ask you first."

He sighed. He'd finally figured out a way to restore her memories that  _might_  work, and here she was making things harder than they had to be...

"What is it?"

She hesitated. "Was there... anything between us, you know, before...?" Before meaning before she'd lost her memories.

"Not as such," he answered carefully. "It was completely one-sided, on your part."

She'd meant something physical. She just hadn't been able to bring herself to ask straight out if she'd been his whore, although she had strong suspicions that she had been something of the sort. Otherwise, why would he have acted the way he did towards her, why would he always look at her as if he were expecting something from her, why would he react with irritation when she flinched from his touch...?

But it was impossible for something physical to be one-sided. It sounded like he was talking about her  _feelings_.

"After you were arrested," he continued, "in Azkaban, you were tormented by those feelings. For fourteen long years, you were tormented by them. By the time you got out, you couldn't stand the pain of it anymore. You came crying to me, begging me to erase it." He paused to accomodate her reaction but she did not respond. "I did not realize at that time how much of your past - your  _personality_  - would be destroyed by such an action. And now I am going to restore your memories."

He reached for her but she backed away, shaking her head.

"I don't want them."

While she was glad to know that her assumptions about their relationship had been incorrect, the truth was hardly any better. If her missing memories proved anything, it was that more than half her life had been consumed by her love for him. She couldn't let that happen again. She didn't want to go back to that, to being a woman who would without hesitation torture another person into insanity for  _his_  sake.

~to be continued~


	15. Want to Renew

~ Nothing From Nowhere ~

\- Chapter 15: Want to Renew -

He hadn't expected her to resist. He couldn't do this if she was going to fight him. Even if she didn't fight, even if she was completely receptive to it, it might not even  _work_.

"You will do as I say." He moved over to the bed and sat down. "Now, come here."

Reluctantly, she followed his order, warily making her way to where he wanted her. She sat on the edge of the bed, a good three feet away from him.

"No," he said, " _here_." He motioned impatiently for her to come closer.

She crawled toward him. Once she was close enough, he pulled her into his lap. Of course, her initial reaction was to struggle, which she did.

"Stop," he said firmly, and she went still in his arms. "Just hold still, and stay calm. This won't hurt."

It wasn't like that was the reason she'd been trying to get away from him, anyways... It wasn't pain she was afraid of.

He leaned back against the headboard, positioning her so that her head rested on his shoulder. Keeping one arm locked tightly around her waist, he placed his forehead against the top of her head and began to feed memories into her mind.

They were his memories, seen from his point of view, but they were  _her_  memories too. His memories of her.

The first time she met him. When she joined the Death Eaters and got her Mark. Every memory, every interaction since then, no matter how small and insignificant it might seem... He showed them all to her, hoping against hope that his memories would somehow unlock her own.

~to be continued~


	16. What Follows Will Swallow Whole

~ Nothing From Nowhere ~

\- Chapter 16: What Follows Will Swallow Whole -

She woke up slowly, struggling into consciousness as if from underwater. She was confused, disoriented... yet not entirely unhappy. She didn't know exactly why or how she had come to be here, but waking to find herself curled up in her lord's arms was not an unpleasant sensation, to say the least.

He felt her shift and looked down to find her looking up at him. And she had that look in her eyes. That look, oh, that  _look_. He'd missed that look. He hadn't even realized how much he'd missed that look.

And, just to see what would happen, to see if had really worked, if she was really back... He told himself it was only to see what would happen-

He leaned down and kissed her.

She didn't know what was going on here. Something was obviously wrong, missing...

But when he kissed her, she stopped trying to think.

He knew he was being too rough with her, but she was returning his kisses with just as much desperation, no, with a desperation that far outstripped his own. Her hands clutched at the front of his robes, her mouth moved hungrily against his. And the  _sounds_  she was making...

He kept one arm locked firmly around her waist, pressing her body tightly against his. He raked his fingers through her hair, noticing that it was soft and healthty again but not stopping to wonder how it had become that way.

He shouldn't be doing this. He knew he shouldn't. Oh, this was  _wrong_. She was going to be so much more confused because of this. But it felt SO good...

When they finally broke apart, both gasping for breath, the words slipped out.

"I missed you."

That statement struck her as odd.

Still struggling to get her breathing under control, she gasped out, "What... do you mean... you missed me...?"

~to be continued~


	17. I Will Hold On To You Heart

~ Nothing From Nowhere ~

\- Chapter 17: I Will Hold On To Your Heart -

He didn't answer.

She was already starting to figure it out for herself, the memories bubbling up in her mind...

_Her years in Azkaban. The breakout. The crying, the begging. Him, placing and his wand against her temple._

She couldn't remember the actual moment the spell was cast, but she knew he'd done it. But it was undone again, now. She had her memories back.

He remained silent as she frowned, concentrating. She found she could recall - only vaguely, but she COULD recall them - the memories she had formed while she'd been under the influence of the memory charm.

And suddenly she was fighting him. The hands that had just moments ago been pulling him closer were now pushing him away. He held on tightly because he knew that if he let her go now she would be lost to him forever. If she left now she would never come back.

" _How could you do that to me?_ " she shrieked, tears streaming down her cheeks. " _I hate you. I hate you!_ "

She didn't mean it. She was just angry. She was jealous... of  _herself_. She'd always been there, always been willing, but he had never  _wanted_  her, not in that way. So why, why,  _why_ had he chased after the memory-less version of her like that?

She stopped her useless struggling as the rage drained out of her, replaced with despair. She slumped against him, sobbing into his shoulder.

He loosened his hold a bit, now that he was sure she wasn't going to run. He rubbed her back and stroked her hair, trying to soothe her. But she only cried harder, wondering why he was torturing her like this.

He realized he was being selfish. He was making it worse. He was only hurting her, compounding her torment. If only he could make her understand why he'd done it. If only there was a way to... Wait, what was he thinking? Of course there was a way to make her see why he'd done it.

He gathered her close, pressing his face into her hair, and began to show her his memories of the past few months, the time she'd spent with her memories erased.

She didn't resist. And as she watched them she saw not just his actions (which was all she'd focused on when reviewing her own memories of the time) but his reactions to  _her_  reactions to his actions. She saw his irritation when she flinched from his touch. She saw the way he watched her, waiting for things that never ended up happening.

And she realized that he'd been chasing after  _her_ , trying to find her again within the memory-less version of herself. Because without her love for him, she wasn't herself anymore. And he'd searched for ways to undo the charm because he wanted her back the way she used to be. But she still didn't know what his exact motive was.

"Why?" she asked, her voice shaky and uncertain. "Why did you bring my memories back when you knew I didn't want it?"

He took a deep breath and held her tightly to him.

"I want it." Selfish, yes. But also the only reason he's ever needed for anything.

"What?" she asked, wanting him to clarify.

He closed his eyes and gritted his teeth. He hated having to say this out loud, but it was something she needed to hear. "Your love. I want it."

~to be continued~


	18. Somehow I Ended Up Here In Between

~ Nothing From Nowhere ~

\- Chapter 18: Somehow I Ended Up Here In Between -

"You...  _want_  me to love you...?" she asked hesitantly, not quite daring to believe that he'd really just said what she thought he'd just said.

"You are the only one who ever has."

She lifted her head and looked at him with a stricken expression.

"I'm not- I _can't_  be the only person who has ever loved you!"

"Of course I had girlfriends during my school years, women have always been attracted to me, but none of them ever loved me, not like you do."

She started to ask  _What about your family?_  but the question died on her tongue as she caught sight of her reflection in the mirror. She gasped and clapped a hand to her cheek.

"What is this? How did I-?  _What happened to me?_ " she asked in a panic, running her fingers over the scar frantically as if she were trying to discern its existence in reality.

He grabbed her wrist, pulling her hand away from her face and holding it immobile between them.

"Calm down," he snapped. He tugged gently on her arm, causing her to fall against him. He released his hold on her wrist, then hugged her close and stroked her hair, trying to comfort her. She'd been through more emotional stress these past few months than most people experienced in a lifetime and, Merlin help him, he was trying to put a stop to it.

She whimpered softly and snuggled against him, seeming to have settled down a little although she was still crying.

"You don't remember what happened at the ministry?" he asked.

"Not... clearly," she answered slowly.

He continued to stroke her hair as he explained the events of the ministry raid, and her capture and captivity at the hands of the Order. At the end of his explanation, he extracted something from the pocket of his robes and presented it to her.

"I thought you might like to have this back."

In his hand was The World, its chain repaired and free of blood. The tiny crystalline globe of the earth had never been recovered. In its place was a plain glass sphere.

Bellatrix reached out hesitantly to take the pendant, but drew her hand back before her fingers had come in contact with it.

"Is... that...?"

"Yes. It is the prophecy."

"... are you sure I can have this?"

"It is already yours."

~to be continued~


	19. I Retrace the Steps That Led Me Here

~ Nothing From Nowhere ~

\- Chapter 19: I Retrace The Steps That Led Me Here -

An oddly familiar scene.

She stood in front of the mirror, transfixed by her own reflection. The scar was very thin and perhaps only a single shade paler than the surrounding skin, but it stood out nonetheless.

He came up behind her, laying a hand on her shoulder, lightly tracing her scar with his fingertips. Watching her blush as his hand stopped where her scar ended, just above her breast.

But she did not push his hand away and he let it linger there, savoring her reaction.

She started to turn to face him, but his hand on her shoulder halted her movement. He lifted his other hand from where it rested on her chest and retrieved The World from the cradle of her curled fingers. He then proceeded to fasten the pendant around her neck.

The silver serpent with the shrunken prophecy in its coils hung almost even with the bottom point of her scar, a good few inches above the dangerously low neckline of her dress.

She sighed and leaned back against him. He slid his arms around her waist to keep her there, their bodies pressed lightly against each other.

She looked at their twined reflections in the mirror and sighed again.

"You would never have been like this with me if I hadn't had my memories erased." It wasn't a question.

"No, you're right about that. However, taking recent events into account, I am beginning to think that I may have underestimated the kind of power that  _love_  can have."

Even so, he still pronounced "love" as though it were a dirty word. She had to fight to keep from laughing.

~to be continued~


	20. But Your Fire Makes It All Worthwhile

~ Nothing From Nowhere ~

\- Chapter 20: But Your Fire Makes It All Worthwhile -

"Of course love is powerful," she responded to his statement. "It can bring out the best in people. And the worst." ( _Speaking from experience, are we...?_ )

He frowned. "That sounds so... complicated."

This time she did laugh at him.

"I'm glad you find that amusing," he said, his tone making it perfectly clear that he was actually rather irritated.

"I'm sorry," she apologized, still giggling a little. "It's just..." She sighed. "You really  _don't_ understand anything about love at all, do you?"

"No, I don't."

"... that was a rhetorical question."

"I'd almost forgotten how annoying you can be sometimes. Maybe I should go back and erase  _that_  part of your personality."

"You wouldn't  _dare_!"

"You, my dear, are a poor judge of what I would or would not dare to do."

At these words (and all that they implied), her expression crumpled into one of startled sadness. She turned and pressed her face against his shoulder.

"Please don't," she whispered, sounding as though she were about to cry.

He immediately felt guilty. He hadn't meant to suggest that he was actually planning to do such a thing to her. (Again.) He'd actually been enjoying the argument up until this point. She never once dared to speak her mind to him during the time when her memories were sealed. It was another one of those things he'd been surprised to find out that he missed about her.

He sighed heavily and embraced her in what he hoped was a comforting manner.

"I didn't mean that," he said softly. "I believe I've learned my lesson..."

~to be continued~


	21. And She Was Always Smiling

~ Nothing From Nowhere ~

\- Chapter 21: And She Was Always Smiling -

She lifted her head and kissed his cheek. She'd already forgiven him. She would always forgive him. For anything he's ever done to her. For anything he ever  _would_  do to to her. Because that's how strong her love for him was.

But that isn't something he can understand.

"You can erase my memories if you want," she said softly, looking into his eyes. "No matter how many times you take everything away, I'll always fall in love with you again."

She would, too. Oh, he  _knew_  she would. Even after the months of pure hell he'd just been through, he was honestly tempted to do it again. To erase everything. To experience the miracle of her falling in love with him again.

But, no. He wouldn't put himself through that again. He wouldn't put  _her_  through that again. Because no matter what he put her through, she would always forgive him. Even if he never apologized, even if he  _wasn't_  sorry for the things he did to her, even if he didn't deserve her forgiveness, she would forgive him.

A sense of guilt crept over him as he realized this, and he decided then and there that he would start doing less things that she would need to forgive him for.

She kissed him again, this time on the lips. A short kiss, more of a peck.

"I love you," she said plainly.

Was she expecting to hear the same from him? Surely she should know better than that.

"You know I don't love you."

She smiled. "I don't need you to love me. This is all I need. As long as you let me be with you like this, that's enough."

~to be continued~


	22. Burn Now What Was Once Breathing

~ Nothing From Nowhere ~

\- Chapter 22: Burn Now What Was Once Breathing -

She said she didn't  _need_  him to love her. But she obviously  _wanted_  him to. Did she think it would only be a matter of time? Or was she trying to say that she accepted the fact that he could never love her?

"But wouldn't you want to be with someone who loves  _you_?" he asked.

"I already tried that," she said sadly. "As you can see, it hasn't worked out so well."

She was talking about her marriage with Rodolphus. She'd tried to make it work, she really had. But it had been all wrong from the start, and it only got worse as time went on. She'd thought things would get better once they had children, but Rodolphus had refused to have any with her. After that, they'd only stayed together for appearances' sake.

Voldemort refrained from questioning her further. He'd always known there was something wrong with that relationship. Over the years, the couple had grown more and more bitter toward each other. The Dark Lord never would have guessed that Rodolphus's bitterness was rooted in an unreturned love. Which brought him back to thought  _love is complicated_. Hate and love were commonly considered to be opposites, but hate was an emotion of pure darkness, while love seemed to be connected to both light  _and_  darkness.

A few moments passed in heavy silence before Bellatrix spoke again.

"You know," she said quietly, "he already knew I was in love with you when we got married. I think he thought he could change that."

So. It  _was_  the second one, after all. She was willing to accept the fact that he would never love her. She knew from her experience with her marriage that trying to change that would only make them both miserable.

~to be continued~


	23. In Darkness Together We Ignite

~ Nothing From Nowhere ~

\- Chapter 23: In Darkness Together We Ignite -

She pulled back from him a little and asked, almost shyly, "You do...  _want_  me, don't you?"

This time he was the one laughing at her.

"Do you really think I would have gone through all that trouble to get you back here and restore your memories if I didn't  _want_  you?" he asked incredulously.

"No, I suppose not..." she anwered. "Unless you had some other ulterior motive."

She looked at him questioningly but he shook his head.

"Don't be ridiculous," he said. "The only reason I've ever had for doing  _anything_  is to get the things that I wanted." In other words, every action he'd ever taken had been done in order to acquire the things that he desired.

She opened her mouth - perhaps to protest that she was not a _thing_ \- but she never got a chance to speak because he'd closed the distance between them and pressed his lips to hers. And now that he was kissing her, all forms of coherent thought ceased to exist in her head.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and melted into the kiss.

He was startled by how easily she was willing to give herself up to him. Not that he planned to spend much time thinking about it...

The fire of their passion escalated quickly and it wasn't long before clothes were coming off. They didn't make it all the way to the bed. He took her against the wall.

Later, when they were laying curled up together in bed, both of them completely exhausted, she snuggled closer to him and whispered, "I want to bear your child. I want us to be a family."

Well. That could be arranged...

~to be continued~


	24. One Dark Flame

~ Nothing From Nowhere ~

\- Final Chapter: One Dark Flame -

The next morning Bellatrix's presence was made known to the other Death Eaters. Voldemort did not tell them that he had gone to her rescue. The official story was that once she had recovered sufficiently from her injury, she had escaped from the Order of the Phoenix's headquarters and made her way back to the Death Eaters' base of operations on her own.

The Dark Lord also announced that as her reward for her part in the success of the mission to retrieve the prophecy, Bellatrix would be allowed to become his mistress and bear his child. (Lucius thought this was unfair, seeing as how his only reward for  _his_  part in the success of the mission had been being allowed to stay alive, with a side of public humiliation.)

The meeting ended and the Death Eaters were dismissed to go about their daily tasks. Except...

"Stay, Lestrange," the Dark Lord commanded.

Rodolphus remained in his seat while the other Death Eaters filed out of the room. He was surprised when Bellatrix came and threw her arms around him.

"Are you angry?" she asked softly, still hugging him tightly.

"No," Rodolphus answered, sliding his arms around her and returning the embrace. "I'm glad you're alright." That really was the way he felt, but he didn't understand this sudden burst of affection from her.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I really wish I could have loved you. If... you want... to have an affair with someone... that would be fine."

"No," he said firmly, and placed a soft kiss on the top of her head. "It will always only be you."

She let go and he let go. She left the room.

Voldemort had watched the entire exchange with interest and now Rodolphus noticed that the Dark Lord was looking at him stangely.

"Yes, my lord?"

"Why aren't you angry?" Voldemort asked curiously. "If you love her?"

"Because," Rodolphus answered sadly, "not being angry about this is the only thing I've ever been able to do that will make her happy."

~end~

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Nothing from nowhere. I'm no one at all. Radiate. Recognize one silent call as we all form one dark flame._ \- AFI, from "Miseria Cantare - The Beginning"
> 
> All chapter titles are AFI lyrics.


End file.
